This past Friday I spent the day in Florence helping Alyssa look for her first apartment. It was exciting we rode around and talked and spent quality time together. We only went inside 3 apartments but the first one was the one we both liked the best and it was closer to the campus. She can ride her bike to school on pretty days and save gas, get exercise and just ride around and get to know the area.
I am proud of her and all the things she is growing up and accomplishing and we were both really excited to sign the lease. I have to admit that she has finally felt the first pains of growing up. When signing the lease for a full year she got a little pale and anxious but in the end it was o.k.
The reality though didn't really set in with me though until we got back home and had to stop to pick up boxes for her to pack. Sending her off to live in a dorm was sad but at least I knew for a fact she had to come home several times a year because when the dorm closed she had no where else to go. When we started talking getting a uhaul and getting all of her things packed from her room here and then even her bed was leaving. WOW!! Yes I cried. I will probably cry alot when I see the room empty. I know she will be coming home but it will be alot easier now for her to say hey I think I'm just gonna stay home and come in a little later this week. I'm really expecting that sentence if you can't already tell. Not to mention there is a boy involved in her life now that kinda scares me. Just because she is growing up and we may not always be number one in her life like we have been for the last 19 1/2 years. I can no longer hold control over what she wants to do with her life. Just hope that she will come to us before any major decisions and just talk about them first. I won't try to talk her out of anything just be the devils advocate for the side she may have not quite looked to closely at.
It's really hard to see someone you have been so extremely close to all your life, a person that you have carried under and inside your heart for 20 years become an adult. I guess now I am finding out what it really means to start having an empty nest.
I only hope that her Dad, Granny and I have given her life lessons that she will keep with her forever and they will lead her down a path that will make her the happiest person alive. I want her to have it ALL. A job she loves, a man who will put her on a pedestal and never break her heart with unkind words or deeds, and a family of her own one day. But I also want her to know that she has alot of family that will always be there to help pick up the pieces or just listen. The family part she will enjoy she loves kids so very much, but here is the warning all mothers should be given before they even think of a family...One day you will be where I am, proud, happy, sad, glad, confused, and praying everyday that you gave the right advice, and enough love to keep your child safe and happy.
I know this is not like the rest of the posts I have added to my blog, but it was just what was in my heart today as I realize my baby has grown up to be an independent woman.
I have by no means shed all the tears I expect to shed over the next few weeks, or for the next few years I'm sure as she continues to mature and go her own way.
Someone said a mothers job is never done. I don't know who would ever want it to be done, because I want to be there for my children forever.
Well I guess it's 5'oclock somewhere and after this I should probably break open the wine. Hmmm...wonder what it would cost to invest in a vineyard it has to be cheaper than by the bottle.
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