Leap Year

     I am doing something for the next few days that was actually an idea I got from facebook. Since it is Feb. 29th I am doing a time capsule. The actual suggestion was for you to gather all your information from today. But I have decided the way my family is scattered and working it will take a few days to get everything together. I did print off the gas prices for today and a Mcdonald's Big Mac meal menu to put in just to see how inflation is in 4 years. I thought this is not only going to be fun but it will be exciting to open up next leap year and see what has changed. They suggested things like family pictures, pictures of the house and pets, a newspaper from today. But I don't want all of todays news just the things I think are going to be really changed in 4 years. I do plan to see if I can get each of my family members to write down things in a letter like what they expect to be doing in 4 years. Where do they see their self living, working, going to school, just in general what they see their life being like in 4 years. Then we will seal the envelopes without looking at each others, put them in a can and seal them and no one gets to peek until next leap year. Then we can all get together and see what we have done or not done and how close we followed what are in the letters. Oh and no one should forget to put in these letters all the things they hope they have accomplished or things on their bucket list they want to complete. This could be a fun family project. Don't forget to add pictures of you and a friend or two either so you can see how each of you have changed.
     I have just the container in mind and I can't wait for everything to go inside and be sealed up for the next 4 years.

Where to go from here

     There are days in your life that you wish you could crawl back into bed and start the day over in lets say a week from now. Today has been one of those days. Not a bad day really just one of those days when things are off. I have a feeling I should be doing something really important and then I begin to wonder, why? No one is going to stop by here and offer to come inside and do an interview for 20/20. I haven't witnessed a murder, as far as I know all the nice people in the neighborhood haven't been digging any deep holes in the yard or hauling strange things away in the middle of the night in pick up trucks. Without knocking out walls that I can't put back up there is not alot left in the way of changing the house around. Yard work is out of the questions since we are expecting a monsoon in the next two days. Besides I'm getting old and my arthritis just tells me one word. NO! I think I have just found one thing exciting though looking out the window. Around here me and mom would always look outside everyday and look at the very tops of some trees across the street and when they would turn red it would take no time at all before you would start to see leaves on trees and the grass turning green. Hotdog today is that day!! Those tops are red and Spring has got to be on its way! Of course every other day feels like Spring this year. I can still dream that these trees have more sense than some of the other plants that were just waiting to be the first to bust out with flowers and color. Afterall the trees I'm talking about have no color except at the very top and when it is gone there are only green leaves left. If you didn't take the time to look up you wouldn't even know the color had ever been there. Maybe that is my little lesson today. Always look up. I used to lay on the grass and look up at the sky all Summer at the clouds passing and would just relax and have no worries. I remember sitting beside at tree trunk with a bologna sandwich covered in mustard and eating chips with some cold kool aid, just watching the wind blow the leaves.
     Life has gotten so busy. Why??? All I can really think of is the fact our parents believed you only bought things if you needed them and could pay cash for them. You didn't throw anything away if it could be fixed cheaper. Remember the key phrase is fixed cheaper not more conviently. You only ate out maybe once a month when everyone loaded up for a family drive on a pretty Sunday morning and headed out to no place in particular. You never bought junk food at the store because that was a waste of money. If you were young and behaved really well sometimes, not everytime you would get some little something they were selling at the register.
     Everyone now wants everything they want, not necessarily need. I admit to being guilty of that. I think making the change of buying nothing on credit is a pretty good start to reverseing a bad habit. I would like to have a hot tub, but I'll settle for a nice little garden of vegetables that I can work in. I would like to have a bigger kitchen, but really why? My kids are growing up and moving out on their own so all I really would need is a small table to add to the arrangement I have now, so I would have some baking space. A larger oven if it is possible would be nice to lessen the time I spent in the kitchen when I needed to cook large meals. Besides the one I have is so old it is starting to fall apart and it will be cheaper to replace than to repair.
     Starting today I am going to begin to declutter my life. I have gone about things the wrong way all these years and maybe its not to late to make changes and still show my kids how good things come to those who wait. Patience has never been one of my strong points I don't expect that to change over night but I can work on it. God will give me what I need. Just as He always made sure that my family had what they needed when I was growing up. We didn't have the biggest house around, or the fanciest clothes. But there was always food on the table. Money in the bank for emergencies and enough left out of the paycheck in case someone got sick or had a "need". There were times when I wondered why we couldn't have all the things my friends had but when I look back they were happy then and I see them now and they don't seem as happy. I sometimes wonder if it is because they never had to want so they never learned to appreciate. I know I probably accumulate clutter and give in to my children because I didn't have that luxury growing up. But that really isn't doing anyone any favors. 
     Today I start a list of needs and a list of wants. Lets see which list is longer and which one wins.  

Baby Moves Out

     I remember back when I first found out I was going to have Alyssa. I was so excited I could hardly wait to start getting a nursery ready. I painted the room this awful primary yellow color on the top and a horrible primary green on the bottom and then put the cutest border around the whole thing that had teddy bears holding what else but primary colored beach balls all the way around the room. Looking back my friends were right that room is probably why she wears contacts today. Those colors were probably more than her little eyes could handle. But is was so sweet to buy baby stuff and wash it and put it away to wait on her to get here. We moved not long after she was born to and it was still an exciting time to put the nursery back together in a different house. (without the colors) I hung up all the little frilly dresses and carried in all the toys. Everything except one toy she called Baby. Baby is still very special. Alyssa never went anywhere without Baby. Granny bought Baby for her before she was born. She took to it right away. She had surgery to put tubes in her ears twice. Both times baby went into surgery with her. Anytime she was sick Baby always stayed in her arms. Baby was one of those toys that can't be washed so you can only imagine what Baby started to look like over the years. I mean Baby went on vacations, to the store, to daycare. One night baby was accidentally left at the daycare and we had to call someone and beg them to open up long enough for us to get Baby or there would be no sleep that night. Baby was accidentally again left when we were running late leaving Chattanooga coming home from vacation. Alyssa was excited by the trip and didn't notice Baby was missing until she became sleepy around Gadsden. Yes we pulled over and called the hotel. One of the cleaning ladies said she had found Baby under the couch and saw how much "loving" Baby had been given and put her back knowing someone would come looking for her. They sent her UPS to the house. Alyssa did not leave the front door for 3 days waiting for her return. Then there was the day that I went to pick Alyssa up from daycare and she was screaming and crying worse than I had ever seen her in my life. You would have thought she had seen a family member or a pet get run over by a car. It was almost worse. She had accidentally dropped Baby in a bucket of Pine Sol water around lunch time and the daycare lady wouldn't give her back she put her in a plastic bag and laid her in the window sill. Alyssa could see her but thought they were going to throw her away. I know you aren't suppose to let a child have a plastic bag but when I walked in I gave her Baby plastic and all. She immediately stopped crying. We took Baby home and put her in the washer to get rid of what we could of the germs. Of course this was done by me holding Alyssa and the button to keep the washer running so she could see Baby the whole time. The hard part was while she sat in front of the dryer with her head laying against the door humming the word Baby over and over again until we got her out. I think it was as traumatic for me as it was her. But the reunion was wonderful all was right in the world again. Baby still took trips and went everywhere. It was hard to explain when Baby couldn't join the first grade with Alyssa but we promised she could sit on the couch and wait on her to come home. And she did everyday without fail. Then the call at work came from Granny one night. Baby had been loved to the point her head came off and Alyssa was crying her eyes out. She cried herself to sleep holding Baby's head and body close to her and was waiting on me when I walked in the door the next morning to make everything ok. I was able to talk her into letting me take Baby with me to work that night by telling her Baby was going to the hospital to be fixed. I can't sew and by this time Baby was in pretty bad shape, but I spent most of the night between calls stitching that dolls head back on. It was so delicate by this time and so nasty looking I stopped by the store and bought it a preemie outfit to wear hoping to save what was left of the poor thing. When I got home I explained to Alyssa that Baby was very fragile and would have to have special care from now on. That is would be best if she wore the outfit that way if she got dirty we could wash it without Baby having to go into the washer. This seemed to make her happy and it must have because Baby still wears that outfit today. From then on even though Baby slept in the bed with Alyssa for many more years she was always placed on a pillow to herself and if company ever came over Baby was always in a crib that was made for her.
     Baby has been as much a part of my life as she has been Alyssa's. I knew that it was special to Granny because Alyssa loved something she gave her so very much. Baby has always been special to me because when my daughter needed someone she trusted to be with her in surgeries in areas where I wasn't allowed to be, Baby would be the last "person" she saw when she went to sleep and the first one there when she woke up. I guess somewhere in my mind I have always believed as long as baby was close by Alyssa wasn't far away. I had always figured that as Alyssa went to college and got her life underway Baby would always be here waiting for her to return until she married and moved away for good, then she would take Baby to her new home and share her with her family. That all changed this weekend. I was standing in Alyssa's bedroom at her new apartment and as she was unpacking she gently took Baby out of the box. Yes, I cried. I cried hard. Alyssa has grown up and moved out and I guess that means Baby has finally grown up too. They both have a new home and Baby has a special place of honor in Alyssa's new home. It's really silly but I never knew I was growing as attached to that little stuffed doll as much as the little girl that gave her all the loving care for the last 19 years. In my heart I know its not really attachment to Baby but what she has represented all these years that I will miss. My little girl has grown up. I know holding Baby hostage is not what would keep her coming home, its the love she gets here. But the house sure feels emptier this morning.   

The Devil Made Me Do It

     Wow, life sure changes fast from day to day. I have this uncontrollable urge to paint the living room today. I have an idea for an accent wall in a kind of chocolate color. Hmm wonder if that will just make me want to eat more? Got the diet going, well started, I don't think the word going will work until I see the weight coming off. Speaking of which I'M STARVING!!!!!! I could argue about how much weight I have gained but lets face it. It is all my fault. I opened my mouth and inserted doughnuts, cupcakes, chocolate, and anything that tasted good. Now I have to promise myself to eat right and get this junk off. My joints can't take much more and I am running out of sheets to cover the mirrors so I don't have to see myself in them. Can you say denial? I did buy an skirt and blouse that is my inspiration outfit for Easter. I just hope we have a late Easter this year or I'll never get into it. I just thought of something...I have a ton of things I could be doing that would require burning calories around the house but look what I'm doing. Computers are from the devil he wants you fat so you will die a slow lingering death and he thinks he will be able to get you to turn to the dark side and come with him. Ok just to prove I'm going to win this thing I'm stopping here and will pick up on a slow day.
     HeHeHe The devil is not wasting my day, throwing out the fat stuff and well since that's all that is in the pantry I guess I'll lose some weight. The exercise of throwing it out will burn calories. So come on devil you ain't won yet. LOL

Whine, Wine and Life Lessons

     This past Friday I spent the day in Florence helping Alyssa look for her first apartment. It was exciting we rode around and talked and spent quality time together. We only went inside 3 apartments but the first one was the one we both liked the best and it was closer to the campus. She can ride her bike to school on pretty days and save gas, get exercise and just ride around and get to know the area.
I am proud of her and all the things she is growing up and accomplishing and we were both really excited to sign the lease. I have to admit that she has finally felt the first pains of growing up. When signing the lease for a full year she got a little pale and anxious but in the end it was o.k.
     The reality though didn't really set in with me though until we got back home and had to stop to pick up boxes for her to pack. Sending her off to live in a dorm was sad but at least I knew for a fact she had to come home several times a year because when the dorm closed she had no where else to go. When we started talking getting a uhaul and getting all of her things packed from her room here and then even her bed was leaving. WOW!! Yes I cried. I will probably cry alot when I see the room empty. I know she will be coming home but it will be alot easier now for her to say hey I think I'm just gonna stay home and come in a little later this week. I'm really expecting that sentence if you can't already tell. Not to mention there is a boy involved in her life now that kinda scares me. Just because she is growing up and we may not always be number one in her life like we have been for the last 19 1/2 years. I can no longer hold control over what she wants to do with her life. Just hope that she will come to us before any major decisions and just talk about them first. I won't try to talk her out of anything just be the devils advocate for the side she may have not quite looked to closely at.
     It's really hard to see someone you have been so extremely close to all your life, a person that you have carried under and inside your heart for 20 years become an adult. I guess now I am finding out what it really means to start having an empty nest.
     I only hope that her Dad, Granny and I have given her life lessons that she will keep with her forever and they will lead her down a path that will make her the happiest person alive. I want her to have it ALL. A job she loves, a man who will put her on a pedestal and never break her heart with unkind words or deeds, and a family of her own one day. But I also want her to know that she has alot of family that will always be there to help pick up the pieces or just listen. The family part she will enjoy she loves kids so very much, but here is the warning all mothers should be given before they even think of a family...One day you will be where I am, proud, happy, sad, glad, confused, and praying everyday that you gave the right advice, and enough love to keep your child safe and happy.
I know this is not like the rest of the posts I have added to my blog, but it was just what was in my heart today as I realize my baby has grown up to be an independent woman.
     I have by no means shed all the tears I expect to shed over the next few weeks, or for the next few years I'm sure as she continues to mature and go her own way.
     Someone said a mothers job is never done. I don't know who would ever want it to be done, because I want to be there for my children forever.
     Well I guess it's 5'oclock somewhere and after this I should probably break open the wine. Hmmm...wonder what it would cost to invest in a vineyard it has to be cheaper than by the bottle.