Well I am 14 steps into a lifelong journey. Today I was able to start soft foods. This means I can have meat only if it is fork tender and veggies that are able to be mashed with a fork. To some people this may not seem like a big deal but you have to understand for the last 14 days I haven't had anything thicker than water. Protein is HUGE. You are suppose to get at least 60 grams of protein in a day. Most of the time you wouldn't have trouble doing this but when you can only eat approximately 1/4 cup of food three times a day it is extremely difficult. Don't even get me started on all the fluids you are suppose to drink.
Today for lunch I decided to cook some yellow summer squash and fresh pink eye peas. I am in heaven right now. Today is the first time I have felt semi normal since surgery. My strength is coming back slowly and I still have a lot of swelling but so far I am 18 pounds down. Eating today was a big help in boosting my energy levels. I am having problems being able to stomach the protein drinks so I couldn't wait to get to a point I could actually try to get it like everyone else.
I have finally gotten out of the recliner and been able to sleep in the bed for the last few nights and that has also helped in the healing process. You don't know how much you miss your bed until you can't get in and out of it for a couple of weeks. I still feel like I have a void inside when I try to lay on my side, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with the swelling.
I want to be honest on this journey and not hide anything. Do I wish I could have lost the weight without the surgery? You bet. Do I regret having the surgery? I'm not sure yet. The doctor said if I didn't have a little buyer remorse during the recovery stage I wouldn't be normal. I do have some regrets. Right now it is mostly beating myself up for ever getting to this point. I remember my mother telling me that I needed to watch my weight, that I wouldn't be able to get around and feel good if I kept gaining and she was right. Since losing this 18 pounds I have had my feet stop hurting, knees feel better than they have in years. I don't get out of breath as easy and I sleep better. Is it enough yet to make me feel this is the best thing I have ever done? No, not yet. I just told my girls this morning to not ever let themselves get in this shape. Would I ever want them to do this? No. I hope I am a shining example of what not taking charge of their health early can be like.
We have our Japanese exchange student coming here to live this weekend. I am baking her a cake since she loves sweets. I do believe the smell of the cake could kill me. Right now I have a lot of head cravings. This surgery doesn't cure anything. If you like cake with a big glass of cold milk that craving won't magically go away. I am to the point that pizza is my biggest craving and I would give anything to be able to chug a bottle of water just one more time. Right now all I can do is sip, sip, sip.
I see the doctor next Monday to see if I am healing as expected and to see if I am released to exercise. I will also be venturing out more this weekend so please continue to pray for my healing. I want to thank everyone that was so encouraging in my last post. You have no idea what it means to have people behind you when you do something like this. There are a lot of mean spirited people out there, I have seen them on other sites, and it is nice to know I can be open about this with my friends.
Take care of yourselves and stay safe.
Love you all,
Tammy
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Surprise Everyone I Did It!!!
I haven't said much to anyone outside of my family about my new journey because frankly people can just be hateful. There are times in your life when you need support and sarcasm needs to be left at the door. This is one of those times. I have struggled all my life with my weight. When I was very young I suffered from salmonella. I was one of the first 7 people in the United States to ever have it and was lucky enough to have a young resident start working at the hospital and recognize the symptoms. My doctor had already given up and told my parents they didn't know what was going on but I didn't have long to live. Within weeks of a proper diagnosis treatment was started. I had lost huge amounts of weight and looked sickly. I was only 7 years old at the time and when I started to eat again it thrilled everyone so they just kept cooking and I kept eating. This all backfired in my teen years. Around the age of 13 I weighed as much as a young adult. I couldn't run and play like the other middle school friends I had and felt awful most of the time when I couldn't wear clothes that fit. As I moved into high school things changed again and without even trying the weight came pouring off. I got down to 119 pounds and loved the way I looked in a pair of Levi's. Then the dreaded happened. As I started dating and having dinner with the family that consisted of red meats, gravies, potatoes, pie, cakes and fried chicken it all came back and then some. I got married and had two boys. That really packed a few pounds on my hips that I never lost. Eight years and a divorce later I sat at 165 pounds and started running, working on a ambulance and eating fast food as a daily meal. This added pounds, but I had a loving supportive man in my life and a new baby on the way. More weight. Then there was the last baby that finished off the scales. It has been 20 years of a losing battle since the last child and I have went up and down in the scales. My highest being 261. Some people tell me I am lucky because I carry that weight well. What does that mean? To me that just makes it easier for me to keep gaining. It had finally gotten way out of control. When my mom passed in 2010 I weighed 225 but just kept on moving up the scale. I started this journey March of 2014 with a weight loss class. After the surgeon consult my insurance required that I be under a doctors supervised weight loss program for 6 months. I jumped through all the hoops and was denied, with no explanation. Wow! Who knew you could gain 10 pounds that fast?
Now my journey is really underway. After going to another surgeon and test after test on my heart, blood pressure (which stayed high) sleep studies, nutritionists meetings and psych tests I got my surgery July 15, 2015. I elected to have the gastric sleeve. Basically they remove 85% of your stomach making it the shape of a small banana. Right now I can only eat a 1/4 cup of food at a time. If you can call it eating. I am on the pureed food stage for 2 weeks and it feels like a lifetime. People think this is the easy way out. Let me tell you something, yes I have lost 17 pounds in 10 days but it wasn't easy. I still get hungry. Not as bad as before but hungry and would kill for something to chew. You have no idea how much pain I have been in since surgery. Especially the area where the stomach was removed. Oh and lets not forget that I have to spend my day concerned with how much protein I have gotten in before bed so that I don't lose my hair or get so weak I am back in the hospital. My emotions are all over the place. See what most people don't realize is your fat stores are full of hormones and as that fat melts those hormones get into your system and make you grouchy, moody and tearful. I'm not saying that I regret what I have done because my health in the end will be greatly improved. I already see so many advantages. Before surgery my feet and knees hurt just to stand up and that is gone. This is only the 10th day just imagine what life will be like a year from now.
I hope if you are reading this you will either support me or at least keep less than supportive comments to yourself. Was I scared to go through with the surgery? You bet! But I have a Savior that is bigger than fear and I intend to use my new found energy and stamina for the glory of God. I want to be a servant not a spectator. So with God and good friends and family I will continue on from here. Ten steps into a lifelong journey. I would love for you to keep up and walk along with me.
May God bless each of you,
Tammy
July 15,2015 July 23,2015
Now my journey is really underway. After going to another surgeon and test after test on my heart, blood pressure (which stayed high) sleep studies, nutritionists meetings and psych tests I got my surgery July 15, 2015. I elected to have the gastric sleeve. Basically they remove 85% of your stomach making it the shape of a small banana. Right now I can only eat a 1/4 cup of food at a time. If you can call it eating. I am on the pureed food stage for 2 weeks and it feels like a lifetime. People think this is the easy way out. Let me tell you something, yes I have lost 17 pounds in 10 days but it wasn't easy. I still get hungry. Not as bad as before but hungry and would kill for something to chew. You have no idea how much pain I have been in since surgery. Especially the area where the stomach was removed. Oh and lets not forget that I have to spend my day concerned with how much protein I have gotten in before bed so that I don't lose my hair or get so weak I am back in the hospital. My emotions are all over the place. See what most people don't realize is your fat stores are full of hormones and as that fat melts those hormones get into your system and make you grouchy, moody and tearful. I'm not saying that I regret what I have done because my health in the end will be greatly improved. I already see so many advantages. Before surgery my feet and knees hurt just to stand up and that is gone. This is only the 10th day just imagine what life will be like a year from now.
I hope if you are reading this you will either support me or at least keep less than supportive comments to yourself. Was I scared to go through with the surgery? You bet! But I have a Savior that is bigger than fear and I intend to use my new found energy and stamina for the glory of God. I want to be a servant not a spectator. So with God and good friends and family I will continue on from here. Ten steps into a lifelong journey. I would love for you to keep up and walk along with me.
May God bless each of you,
Tammy
July 15,2015 July 23,2015
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
What Do I Have to be Depressed About?
Yesterday Robin Williams was found dead. He suffered many years from depression. I wonder how many times he had someone say the words, "what do you have to be depressed about?".
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. Three words that boils down to one thing I have depression. This means that sometimes I can't tell you why I don't feel like talking or going out of the house. This means that sometimes it is impossible for me to be in a crowd of people. It also means that I suffer from major attacks of anxiety. When I am in a crowd sometimes I have to just get away from everyone for a few minutes. It makes it hard to go out in public to grocery shop, buy clothes, attend family functions, visit with friends or go to church. I fight with this problem every day, hour, minute and second of my life. I take medication that helps me get through the day to day things that most people take for granted. Yes, you will see me out smiling, laughing and it seems that I am having a really good time shopping and visiting with a crowd of friends. I do like to see my friends and family. But inside I am sometimes screaming that I need to get away and be alone. I spend somedays crying for no reason while putting up dishes or washing clothes. There are times when I need to go to the store or the doctor that I will look for reasons not to go. Can I explain to you why I feel this way? No. I can't explain it and most doctors can't explain it. I wasn't always this way and no one knows what really triggered it. It started many years ago and has gotten so bad I am unable to hold a job. I also get angry and have very little patience.
The most upsetting question I ever get when I tell someone I suffer from depression is the one above. What do I have to be depressed about? Believe me if I knew what I was depressed about I would be jumping up and down to fix it. This is not a fun way to live. I have asked myself many times why? I mean I have a wonderful husband and family. I have amazing friends. I love where I live. We have plenty to eat and clothes to wear, cars to drive. What do I have to be depressed about? There are many people that struggle and suffer everyday. I give God thanks for the many blessings He has given me. What do I have to be depressed about? I have given everything to God to handle because this is bigger than me, bigger than medication, bigger than oils, bigger than anything I can do or my doctors can do to fix.
I have kept this hidden for many years, from many people. I hope if you leave a comment it will be kind or please don't leave one. I have heard all of it before. I have been told I am just lazy, that there is no reason to cry, there is no reason to be afraid to go out of the house or to get upset in crowds. I promise if you can come up with a cure there are thousands of people just like me that would like you to contact the media and get attention for the cure. So far there is no cure. We all live day to day mostly in silence and hope when the day comes to an end it wasn't wasted worrying, crying or missing out on something important because we couldn't stand to walk out the door. I'm tired most days because it takes so much out of me just to function day to day. I try to lead a normal life.
If any of this sounds like you, please tell someone. Get help. There are so many resources and all you have to do is reach out. It isn't easy but life is worth living even on the hard days. Those days will pass and good days will come around again.
Be Blessed,
Tammy
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. Three words that boils down to one thing I have depression. This means that sometimes I can't tell you why I don't feel like talking or going out of the house. This means that sometimes it is impossible for me to be in a crowd of people. It also means that I suffer from major attacks of anxiety. When I am in a crowd sometimes I have to just get away from everyone for a few minutes. It makes it hard to go out in public to grocery shop, buy clothes, attend family functions, visit with friends or go to church. I fight with this problem every day, hour, minute and second of my life. I take medication that helps me get through the day to day things that most people take for granted. Yes, you will see me out smiling, laughing and it seems that I am having a really good time shopping and visiting with a crowd of friends. I do like to see my friends and family. But inside I am sometimes screaming that I need to get away and be alone. I spend somedays crying for no reason while putting up dishes or washing clothes. There are times when I need to go to the store or the doctor that I will look for reasons not to go. Can I explain to you why I feel this way? No. I can't explain it and most doctors can't explain it. I wasn't always this way and no one knows what really triggered it. It started many years ago and has gotten so bad I am unable to hold a job. I also get angry and have very little patience.
The most upsetting question I ever get when I tell someone I suffer from depression is the one above. What do I have to be depressed about? Believe me if I knew what I was depressed about I would be jumping up and down to fix it. This is not a fun way to live. I have asked myself many times why? I mean I have a wonderful husband and family. I have amazing friends. I love where I live. We have plenty to eat and clothes to wear, cars to drive. What do I have to be depressed about? There are many people that struggle and suffer everyday. I give God thanks for the many blessings He has given me. What do I have to be depressed about? I have given everything to God to handle because this is bigger than me, bigger than medication, bigger than oils, bigger than anything I can do or my doctors can do to fix.
I have kept this hidden for many years, from many people. I hope if you leave a comment it will be kind or please don't leave one. I have heard all of it before. I have been told I am just lazy, that there is no reason to cry, there is no reason to be afraid to go out of the house or to get upset in crowds. I promise if you can come up with a cure there are thousands of people just like me that would like you to contact the media and get attention for the cure. So far there is no cure. We all live day to day mostly in silence and hope when the day comes to an end it wasn't wasted worrying, crying or missing out on something important because we couldn't stand to walk out the door. I'm tired most days because it takes so much out of me just to function day to day. I try to lead a normal life.
If any of this sounds like you, please tell someone. Get help. There are so many resources and all you have to do is reach out. It isn't easy but life is worth living even on the hard days. Those days will pass and good days will come around again.
Be Blessed,
Tammy
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Hosting an Exchange Student
We have recently decided to host an exchange student from Norway. We will call her "S". This has already been a very good experience even though she only arrived here on Aug 2nd. We love her already. Did you have any idea that hosting an exchange student can make you look at your life differently? You have to go through interviews and background checks before you can even meet the family online. Then of course you try to get your home in order so that this person that has never met you won't walk in the door on their first day in America and run away screaming. Believe me that was a possibility since we had just finished having a massive yard sale and you know that will destroy any house. Just as a side note here that you all for letting me vent on the Take My Junk Please Post. It must have worked though because most of my junk was bought. Everyone that supports this now raise both hands, pump them up and down and say yaaaay!
Now back to being a host family. Our new Norwegian daughter "S" has really started to fit in around here. We are so very happy to have her. She is now getting her schedule ready for school and we will officially, again, be the parents of a senior in high school. This time I think I will handle it better because I already know sort of what to expect. It does take some adjustment and I am sure that she has a little fear of the unknown, but that is one thing we are here to help her with. I hope we can make this a fun learning year and that she will go home with very happy memories. I'm sure I will find a lot of things to write about now that we have started something new around here. So I hope that each of you reading this will keep up to date and enjoy this experience right along with us. I promise not to start writing Norwegian words because with this southern accent they don't sound anything like they are suppose to so I know writing them couldn't be much better.
This is a very short post just to let you know what to expect in the future. Hang on tight this is going to be a fun year of learning and experiencing America through new eyes and ideas. Hope you will join us.
Be Blessed,
Tammy
Now back to being a host family. Our new Norwegian daughter "S" has really started to fit in around here. We are so very happy to have her. She is now getting her schedule ready for school and we will officially, again, be the parents of a senior in high school. This time I think I will handle it better because I already know sort of what to expect. It does take some adjustment and I am sure that she has a little fear of the unknown, but that is one thing we are here to help her with. I hope we can make this a fun learning year and that she will go home with very happy memories. I'm sure I will find a lot of things to write about now that we have started something new around here. So I hope that each of you reading this will keep up to date and enjoy this experience right along with us. I promise not to start writing Norwegian words because with this southern accent they don't sound anything like they are suppose to so I know writing them couldn't be much better.
This is a very short post just to let you know what to expect in the future. Hang on tight this is going to be a fun year of learning and experiencing America through new eyes and ideas. Hope you will join us.
Be Blessed,
Tammy
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Is There A Sign on My Head?
All of my life I have had strangers come up to me and start conversations. I really don't mind and I have learned that it is just a fact of life for me. My family and I have always gotten a kick out of the way I attract strangers. I have often asked if I have a sign on my head or back that says something like, tell me your troubles I care, or free therapy just start talking, that one is my favorite. But one thing they all have in common is that they seem to walk away feeling better and I walk away feeling confused. Now that I have given my life to God I have questioned whether it was His design to put these people in my path for a reason. After all He is the one that made me to listen and hear what these people need to say to someone. Sometimes I wish he would give me the words to say to them, but so far it has just been enough for me to listen and then let them walk away leaving me standing there wondering what it was all about. Like I said I really don't mind listening but when they start to do my shopping for me I do get a little flustered. I have had one woman come up to me when I was shopping for new things for the kitchen and start taking things out of my buggy and replacing them with items she thought I would like more. How could she know what I would like more? She had never met me and had never seen my kitchen! Still I continued to let her and listen to her story as she did this and when she walked away I put everything back and bought what "I" liked.
I once had an elderly man come up to me and start to tell me about his wife of 60 years passing away a year before and helped me pick out paint colors for the inside of my house. Again had never met this man and here he was telling me about a very personal and painful time in his life and helping me pick out colors, without my asking, for my home.
Friends would call me and ask advice about relationships or tell me details that I did NOT need to know. Did this ever get old? Oh yeah! You bet it did, but they were my friends. I will admit sometimes I would just give the standard answer that went something like this. "If you are so miserable why would you keep dating _______?" Fill in name of person in question. Or, "You knew he/she was like that before you got married so live with it."
Ok, so I'm not so good in the advice business, but the people that come up to me now just want company and a way to vent. If it helps them and they aren't holding me a gunpoint to listen what is the harm? Oh, and I don't give these people advice. For goodness sakes I don't know them. Haha
I should have become a psychologist.
Have a blessed day,
Tammy
I once had an elderly man come up to me and start to tell me about his wife of 60 years passing away a year before and helped me pick out paint colors for the inside of my house. Again had never met this man and here he was telling me about a very personal and painful time in his life and helping me pick out colors, without my asking, for my home.
Friends would call me and ask advice about relationships or tell me details that I did NOT need to know. Did this ever get old? Oh yeah! You bet it did, but they were my friends. I will admit sometimes I would just give the standard answer that went something like this. "If you are so miserable why would you keep dating _______?" Fill in name of person in question. Or, "You knew he/she was like that before you got married so live with it."
Ok, so I'm not so good in the advice business, but the people that come up to me now just want company and a way to vent. If it helps them and they aren't holding me a gunpoint to listen what is the harm? Oh, and I don't give these people advice. For goodness sakes I don't know them. Haha
I should have become a psychologist.
Have a blessed day,
Tammy
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Buy MY Junk PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lost my mind again. You would think after having had yard sales in the past that would be more work than they were worth I would never do it again. Well every time I have one I always say, never again but here I am.
I work pulling stuff from the attic all day long yesterday and it looks like I haven't made a dent. That is why this is going to be the largest sale yet. Not to mention I have taken on a new mentality. If we don't just love it, don't keep it out to use it and it has no real value, get rid of it. It's true. I spend more time either looking for something I know I have but don't remember its hiding spot, or cleaning all the things I have. Face it, when your time comes to go home and meet the Lord I don't think the first thing he will say to you is, did you ever find that hammer you put under the sink? Or worse, did you know I saw all that dust that built up on your family photos, glad you kept your bible busy. Hopefully He will tell me well done, because without all the distractions of the stuff I will have more time to spend in His word.
We always want to accumulate stuff. Stuff to leave behind for our kids when we pass away. From personal experience I can tell you it is not going to be whether or not they left you anything, it will all be about the fact that they are gone. Nothing can take away memories
I was raised in a clutter free house. I have no idea if that may have led to the fact that I have enough pictures of my kids that if I decided to turn them into wallpaper you would never see the same picture twice. I also have knick knacks, let me just say here that these little things are dirt demons. I don't care what you dust them with in 5 minutes the dirt demons have taken over.
Life has just gotten way to busy to have to sweat the small stuff. I am working on a business blog, trying to market my Young Living oils and still run the house. They may find me laying in the floor with a broom in one hand, bottle of oil in the other and my EOPR guide just a few feet away. I'm still going to give it my best.
BTW do you know anyone that could do a yard sale intervention. It could make a good reality series. Yard Sale Junkies. Remember that name, someone will use it.
Till next time...
Be Blessed.
Tammy
I work pulling stuff from the attic all day long yesterday and it looks like I haven't made a dent. That is why this is going to be the largest sale yet. Not to mention I have taken on a new mentality. If we don't just love it, don't keep it out to use it and it has no real value, get rid of it. It's true. I spend more time either looking for something I know I have but don't remember its hiding spot, or cleaning all the things I have. Face it, when your time comes to go home and meet the Lord I don't think the first thing he will say to you is, did you ever find that hammer you put under the sink? Or worse, did you know I saw all that dust that built up on your family photos, glad you kept your bible busy. Hopefully He will tell me well done, because without all the distractions of the stuff I will have more time to spend in His word.
We always want to accumulate stuff. Stuff to leave behind for our kids when we pass away. From personal experience I can tell you it is not going to be whether or not they left you anything, it will all be about the fact that they are gone. Nothing can take away memories
I was raised in a clutter free house. I have no idea if that may have led to the fact that I have enough pictures of my kids that if I decided to turn them into wallpaper you would never see the same picture twice. I also have knick knacks, let me just say here that these little things are dirt demons. I don't care what you dust them with in 5 minutes the dirt demons have taken over.
Life has just gotten way to busy to have to sweat the small stuff. I am working on a business blog, trying to market my Young Living oils and still run the house. They may find me laying in the floor with a broom in one hand, bottle of oil in the other and my EOPR guide just a few feet away. I'm still going to give it my best.
BTW do you know anyone that could do a yard sale intervention. It could make a good reality series. Yard Sale Junkies. Remember that name, someone will use it.
Till next time...
Be Blessed.
Tammy
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Life'-s Little Lessons
Life's little lessons
by Tammy Hall Parker on Friday, December 17, 2010 at 5:11am
Wash clothes, buy groceries, clean house, run errands, make appointments, keep appointments, work around kids schedule, cook dinner, wash dishes, clean closets, put up decorations, cook huge dinner for family, take down decorations, water plants before they start to droop, answer the 15th phone call today,make 15 more to fit in more appointments, get mail sift through the junk to the important stuff, take garbage out before it overflows,send out Christmas cards,check those all important lists,answer questions,listen to problems, listen to the latest drama, everybody family meeting time to co-ordinate schedules, whoops booked over one that can't be changed, go back and reschedule original appointment, calendar is full start making notes in the margin, brain has overloaded start putting things to do on white board on fridge, white board is full start checking the notebook for updates and changes, keep things in perspective, don't sweat the small stuff, imagine the worst, hope for the best and pray you get through it all with your sanity intact. That's being a mom today.
Had an uncle once that always would look at any problem, think on it for just a minute if that long. Said out loud that either it would work itself out or it wouldn't he couldn't change the outcome. Never worried about politics or watched the news. Lived happily for 96 years, always smiled, still had perfect eyesight and a good mind. Drove himself to and from the doctor once a year for a physical where the doctor found nothing wrong. Always treated others the way he wanted to be treated. Always said he hoped that when his time came he would just fall asleep and not wake up. He called his grandson and said he was going to take a nap in his favorite recliner...never woke up.
Maybe we should all take a lesson from our ancestors. If you look back they worked harder than most of us in worse conditions. Lived with less money. Never worried about tomorrow but lived for today. Always treated people they met with kindness. Helped their neighbors in good times and through the bad times. Some of them lived before indoor plumbing and pulled water from a well. Grew their own food or went hungry. Pulled together as a family and counted on one another to pull their own weight. And yet they never complained and they lived longer than those of us today. Maybe they were on to something...you think?
Had an uncle once that always would look at any problem, think on it for just a minute if that long. Said out loud that either it would work itself out or it wouldn't he couldn't change the outcome. Never worried about politics or watched the news. Lived happily for 96 years, always smiled, still had perfect eyesight and a good mind. Drove himself to and from the doctor once a year for a physical where the doctor found nothing wrong. Always treated others the way he wanted to be treated. Always said he hoped that when his time came he would just fall asleep and not wake up. He called his grandson and said he was going to take a nap in his favorite recliner...never woke up.
Maybe we should all take a lesson from our ancestors. If you look back they worked harder than most of us in worse conditions. Lived with less money. Never worried about tomorrow but lived for today. Always treated people they met with kindness. Helped their neighbors in good times and through the bad times. Some of them lived before indoor plumbing and pulled water from a well. Grew their own food or went hungry. Pulled together as a family and counted on one another to pull their own weight. And yet they never complained and they lived longer than those of us today. Maybe they were on to something...you think?
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