Well I am 14 steps into a lifelong journey. Today I was able to start soft foods. This means I can have meat only if it is fork tender and veggies that are able to be mashed with a fork. To some people this may not seem like a big deal but you have to understand for the last 14 days I haven't had anything thicker than water. Protein is HUGE. You are suppose to get at least 60 grams of protein in a day. Most of the time you wouldn't have trouble doing this but when you can only eat approximately 1/4 cup of food three times a day it is extremely difficult. Don't even get me started on all the fluids you are suppose to drink.
Today for lunch I decided to cook some yellow summer squash and fresh pink eye peas. I am in heaven right now. Today is the first time I have felt semi normal since surgery. My strength is coming back slowly and I still have a lot of swelling but so far I am 18 pounds down. Eating today was a big help in boosting my energy levels. I am having problems being able to stomach the protein drinks so I couldn't wait to get to a point I could actually try to get it like everyone else.
I have finally gotten out of the recliner and been able to sleep in the bed for the last few nights and that has also helped in the healing process. You don't know how much you miss your bed until you can't get in and out of it for a couple of weeks. I still feel like I have a void inside when I try to lay on my side, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with the swelling.
I want to be honest on this journey and not hide anything. Do I wish I could have lost the weight without the surgery? You bet. Do I regret having the surgery? I'm not sure yet. The doctor said if I didn't have a little buyer remorse during the recovery stage I wouldn't be normal. I do have some regrets. Right now it is mostly beating myself up for ever getting to this point. I remember my mother telling me that I needed to watch my weight, that I wouldn't be able to get around and feel good if I kept gaining and she was right. Since losing this 18 pounds I have had my feet stop hurting, knees feel better than they have in years. I don't get out of breath as easy and I sleep better. Is it enough yet to make me feel this is the best thing I have ever done? No, not yet. I just told my girls this morning to not ever let themselves get in this shape. Would I ever want them to do this? No. I hope I am a shining example of what not taking charge of their health early can be like.
We have our Japanese exchange student coming here to live this weekend. I am baking her a cake since she loves sweets. I do believe the smell of the cake could kill me. Right now I have a lot of head cravings. This surgery doesn't cure anything. If you like cake with a big glass of cold milk that craving won't magically go away. I am to the point that pizza is my biggest craving and I would give anything to be able to chug a bottle of water just one more time. Right now all I can do is sip, sip, sip.
I see the doctor next Monday to see if I am healing as expected and to see if I am released to exercise. I will also be venturing out more this weekend so please continue to pray for my healing. I want to thank everyone that was so encouraging in my last post. You have no idea what it means to have people behind you when you do something like this. There are a lot of mean spirited people out there, I have seen them on other sites, and it is nice to know I can be open about this with my friends.
Take care of yourselves and stay safe.
Love you all,
Tammy
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