Soft Food Never Looked So Good

Well I am 14 steps into a lifelong journey. Today I was able to start soft foods. This means I can have meat only if it is fork tender and veggies that are able to be mashed with a fork. To some people this may not seem like a big deal but you have to understand for the last 14 days I haven't had anything thicker than water. Protein is HUGE. You are suppose to get at least 60 grams of protein in a day. Most of the time you wouldn't have trouble doing this but when you can only eat approximately 1/4 cup of food three times a day it is extremely difficult. Don't even get me started on all the fluids you are suppose to drink.
Today for lunch I decided to cook some yellow summer squash and fresh pink eye peas. I am in heaven right now. Today is the first time I have felt semi normal since surgery. My strength is coming back slowly and I still have a lot of swelling but so far I am 18 pounds down. Eating today was a big help in boosting my energy levels. I am having problems being able to stomach the protein drinks so I couldn't wait to get to a point I could actually try to get it like everyone else.
I have finally gotten out of the recliner and been able to sleep in the bed for the last few nights and that has also helped in the healing process. You don't know how much you miss your bed until you can't get in and out of it for a couple of weeks. I still feel like I have a void inside when I try to lay on my side, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with the swelling.
I want to be honest on this journey and not hide anything. Do I wish I could have lost the weight without the surgery? You bet. Do I regret having the surgery? I'm not sure yet. The doctor said if I didn't have a little buyer remorse during the recovery stage I wouldn't be normal. I do have some regrets. Right now it is mostly beating myself up for ever getting to this point. I remember my mother telling me that I needed to watch my weight, that I wouldn't be able to get around and feel good if I kept gaining and she was right. Since losing this 18 pounds I have had my feet stop hurting, knees feel better than they have in years. I don't get out of breath as easy and I sleep better. Is it enough yet to make me feel this is the best thing I have ever done? No, not yet. I just told my girls this morning to not ever let themselves get in this shape. Would I ever want them to do this? No. I hope I am a shining example of what not taking charge of their health early can be like.
We have our Japanese exchange student coming here to live this weekend. I am baking her a cake since she loves sweets. I do believe the smell of the cake could kill me. Right now I have a lot of head cravings. This surgery doesn't cure anything. If you like cake with a big glass of cold milk that craving won't magically go away. I am to the point that pizza is my biggest craving and I would give anything to be able to chug a bottle of water just one more time. Right now all I can do is sip, sip, sip.
I see the doctor next Monday to see if I am healing as expected and to see if I am released to exercise. I will also be venturing out more this weekend so please continue to pray for my healing. I want to thank everyone that was so encouraging in my last post. You have no idea what it means to have people behind you when you do something like this. There are a lot of mean spirited people out there, I have seen them on other sites, and it is nice to know I can be open about this with my friends.
Take care of yourselves and stay safe.
Love you all,
Tammy

Surprise Everyone I Did It!!!

I haven't said much to anyone outside of my family about my new journey because frankly people can just be hateful. There are times in your life when you need support and sarcasm needs to be left at the door. This is one of those times. I have struggled all my life with my weight. When I was very young I suffered from salmonella. I was one of the first 7 people in the United States to ever have it and was lucky enough to have a young resident start working at the hospital and recognize the symptoms. My doctor had already given up and told my parents they didn't know what was going on but I didn't have long to live. Within weeks of a proper diagnosis treatment was started. I had lost huge amounts of weight and looked sickly. I was only 7 years old at the time and when I started to eat again it thrilled everyone so they just kept cooking and I kept eating. This all backfired in my teen years. Around the age of 13 I weighed as much as a young adult. I couldn't run and play like the other middle school friends I had and felt awful most of the time when I couldn't wear clothes that fit. As I moved into high school things changed again and without even trying the weight came pouring off. I got down to 119 pounds and loved the way I looked in a pair of Levi's. Then the dreaded happened. As I started dating and having dinner with the family that consisted of red meats, gravies, potatoes, pie, cakes and fried chicken it all came back and then some. I got married and had two boys. That really packed a few pounds on my hips that I never lost. Eight years and a divorce later I sat at 165 pounds and started running, working on a ambulance and eating fast food as a daily meal. This added pounds, but I had a loving supportive man in my life and a new baby on the way. More weight. Then there was the last baby that finished off the scales. It has been 20 years of a losing battle since the last child and I have went up and down in the scales. My highest being 261. Some people tell me I am lucky because I carry that weight well. What does that mean? To me that just makes it easier for me to keep gaining. It had finally gotten way out of control. When my mom passed in 2010 I weighed 225 but just kept on moving up the scale. I started this journey March of 2014 with a weight loss class. After the surgeon consult my insurance required that I be under a doctors supervised weight loss program for 6 months. I jumped through all the hoops and was denied, with no explanation. Wow! Who knew you could gain 10 pounds that fast?
Now my journey is really underway. After going to another surgeon and test after test on my heart, blood pressure (which stayed high) sleep studies, nutritionists meetings and psych tests I got my surgery July 15, 2015. I elected to have the gastric sleeve. Basically they remove 85% of your stomach making it the shape of a small banana. Right now I can only eat a 1/4 cup of food at a time. If you can call it eating. I am on the pureed food stage for 2 weeks and it feels like a lifetime. People think this is the easy way out. Let me tell you something, yes I have lost 17 pounds in 10 days but it wasn't easy. I still get hungry. Not as bad as before but hungry and would kill for something to chew. You have no idea how much pain I have been in since surgery. Especially the area where the stomach was removed. Oh and lets not forget that I have to spend my day concerned with how much protein I have gotten in before bed so that I don't lose my hair or get so weak I am back in the hospital. My emotions are all over the place. See what most people don't realize is your fat stores are full of hormones and as that fat melts those hormones get into your system and make you grouchy, moody and tearful. I'm not saying that I regret what I have done because my health in the end will be greatly improved. I already see so many advantages. Before surgery my feet and knees hurt just to stand up and that is gone. This is only the 10th day just imagine what life will be like a year from now.
I hope if you are reading this you will either support me or at least keep less than supportive comments to yourself. Was I scared to go through with the surgery? You bet! But I have a Savior that is bigger than fear and I intend to use my new found energy and stamina for the glory of God. I want to be a servant not a spectator. So with God and good friends and family I will continue on from here. Ten steps into a lifelong journey. I would love for you to keep up and walk along with me.
May God bless each of you,
Tammy

                                           July 15,2015               July 23,2015