Yesterday my youngest daughter and I walked familiar hallways in a hospital we know only to well. We were there to visit a dear sweet friend that we never spent as much time with as we wished we could have in the last few years. My daughter was able to go into the ICU and see her and hold her hand, but when I thought I had built up the courage to go through those doors at the last second I couldn't go all the way in. I knew this may be the last time I would ever see the person that I had spent a large part of my adult life with and loved as though we had been together forever.
I guess in a way I have been luckier than most. I have lost people I worked with and people I spent time growing up with but we drifted apart. I have lost very few people in my life that have made huge impacts on me. I lost my best friend from childhood at 16 years old, my ex mother-in-law that I loved dearly when I was only 19 and my mother when I was 45. These were the deaths that hit me the hardest. Now at 49 to have a woman that I spent most of my children's lives with suddenly pass away feels like a giant piece of my heart is being squeezed out of my chest.
I met Billie when we bought our first home. By then she had an oldest daughter Tracy and a son Scott that was a prankster, then her youngest daughter Mitzi that was still in high school. You never knew what you might see out of our front window because Scott loved nothing more than picking on Mitzi and pulling pranks to try to scare her. It was always laughter to watch what would go on and yes there was once Scott and I even teamed up to pull a prank on one of the neighbors. Billie would always fuss at Scott for scaring Mitzi but you knew by the laughter in her eyes she was just doing what a mother was expected to do, but she found it as funny as the rest of us.
My oldest daughter was only 3 when we moved in and fell instantly in love with Billie and her family. I was pregnant with my youngest when we moved in and even though my daughter Alyssa had eaten her breakfast when Thomas came home from the night shift she would stand at the mailbox and ask him to walk her across the street to visit. If I ever started missing one of the girls you could bet the first place to look would be at Billie's. Her and Thomas both worked the night shift and we would sit in the front yard swing and drink coffee until time for them to go to bed in the mornings. Then repeat this in the afternoons. When my youngest daughter Kelcy was born they were the first ones to welcome her home. Billie and Thomas spoiled both of my girls and they ate it up like most kids will do.
When I first got the call that we had lost one of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of having in my life, my mind went instantly to the unique laugh that she had. It lit up her entire face and was loud and genuine. It always started with a kind of look of surprise and then she would throw back her head and just laugh. No one has ever had a laugh of true joy like Billie and I know I won't ever see another one like it. She even laughed, although it was a few weeks after the fact, when we sat outside in the swing talking and Thomas drove up in the driveway to find smoke coming from the kitchen. We had gotten so caught up in talking she had forgotten she had supper on the stove and set the kitchen on fire. Mostly smoke damage and everyone was ok except for the supper. But leave it to Billie to even find the humor in that situation.
My youngest daughter Kelcy spent as much time at Billie's as she did at home, sometimes more. Her first sleep over was at Billie's because she had to be able to see the house from where she was staying. The hardest thing for all of us when we decided to move from that neighborhood was knowing we were moving away from the best family we had ever met. There is no way you can ever find friends like that anymore.
Billie was a one of a kind person with a heart of gold. She was beside me when I lost my mother and my father. She was the type of person when the entire house came down with the flu went to the store and left soup and crackers and tylenol just outside the door. She was there for every birthday and any other important day in our lives. She was my first real adult friend and even though in later years my life has taken turns that hasn't left us with the time to visit like we should have, I always knew if I needed a good laugh or a shoulder she would always be there. We have all felt losses in our lives when a friend passes but losing Billie feels deeper than that. She falls into the category of the deep hurt you feel when you lose someone that you are related to by blood. In 19 years this dear sweet lady let my family join her family. She took us in like we had known each other forever. She treated me like a daughter and my girls like her grandchildren. People just don't do that anymore.
I know Billie is celebrating with our Lord and Savior today and is with all of the family members that have went before her. I will miss not sitting on the swing in the front yard and just talking and having coffee. I will miss not ever hearing that laugh again, but she gave me memories that I can share and hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. She also gave me her family that I love like my own. She never met a stranger and everyone that ever met her loved her. If there are yard swings and pecan trees in heaven I hope Billie is saving me a seat. She is forever in my heart and never forgotten.
